Now I originally thought I had written something similar to this, but I gave my archives a once over and didn’t see anything in the title about it and decided “no Allie you have not, so go.” So if I have and you remember it, I’m sorry.If you follow me on Twitter (if you don’t, shame on you) you may have seen a few tweets about loud kids and cartoons I’ll never let me kids watch (I’m looking at you Peppa the Pig). I feel the need to clarify that I did not Catfish all of you and hide multiple pregnancies and children from you. My cousins were visiting for a few days. In fact, they do every year this time. (note to self, make plans for the last week of December 2014)
While I love them and they do tend to make me laugh when they try and tell someone a joke I’ve told them and they get it all wrong and they will let me time them to run upstairs and get me my phone charger and I get lots of laughs from them when they bug my dad, they are hard. And them being here has made me decide that I AM NOT READY FOR KIDS NOW OR AT 30 AND MAYBE NOT EVEN AT 33. But maybe at 34.
You know where this is going right? If you guessed that I’m gonna end this post with a cute picture, than you are wrong. But if you guessed that I’m gonna tell you the top 7 reasons why I’m not ready to have kids, give yourself a cookie. And let me just say I do want kids and if for some reason it were to happen before I plan for it to, I’m sure you’ll find me writing a post about why I’m sooooo happy to be a mom.
…they wake up really early. luckily my uncle has taught my cousin not to come wake him up until the clock says 7:00. however, that is still really early for me, especially when i’m on vacation. and instead of coming up to you, taping you and saying your name quietly, its like a damn circus and they are yelling for you…right in front of your face. which brings me to my next point.
…they are so loud. all of the time. when they wake up, when they eat, when they pee, when they are watching tv, when they are on the computer (ya know because the volume must be on 23) when they play, when they are in the car, just all the time. so so so so so loud.
…they will ask you 27 times if they can have a snack even though you just told them no. my cousins think it’s a right to get a snack, or dessert as they like to call it, after every meal. and i mean every meal, even breakfast. and apparently the 5 or 6 hours in between lunch and dinner is so much longer than between breakfast and lunch because then they ask for two snacks. i mean desserts.
…they cost money. this was made clear to me when we were at toys r us the other night and they just HAD to have an extra toy and their gift cards from Christmas were empty. and as selfish as this is going to sound, i like to spend my money on me. spoiler alert: they got the extra toy.
…they watch the most annoying shows on the planet. i can’t really remember when my hatred for peppa the pig started, but i can assure you that my children will not be asking to watch peppa, but instead they will be asking who is peppa and i will tell them she died. (jk sort of) i also should mention that i tried to get them to watch fox and the hound and they said it was boring. what crap are our kids watching these days?
…they tend to leave very small toys in my walking path. i can’t tell you how many pieces of something called a skylander i stepped on. or how many times i tripped over their shoes. or how many times i ended up hitting one of my cousins in the face because he insisted on standing right behind me. all i have to say is thank goodness they didn’t bring their legos.
…they want to bargain about everything. if we clean up our mess can we have a cookie? if we are quiet for 3 minutes can we stay up later? can we eat half our chicken nuggets can we go play? i just don’t have the energy to constantly bargain with a tiny human when really they just need to do what I’ve told them.
And folks, that last sentence just summed everything up for me. I just don’t have the energy to ________ with a tiny human. At least not right now. But if you are my friend and you have a baby please let me come over and have lots of baby snuggles.
First up today is Katie from Tales of a Twenty-Something Hipster. She’s a soon to be teacher, like me. She likes chocolate, like me. And she’s sarcastic, you guessed it, like me. She writes posts that compare drunk people to babies and if you don’t find that funny, you are dumb. She titles her very first post ever Balls to the Wall and she admits to being her mother. So essentially what I’m saying, is head over and visit Katie. I’m sure you’ll spend a bunch of time LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF